Sacrifice

If people valued home more than gold, this world would be a more Merry place. Welcome to life lovelies. That quote is actually from the new hobbit believe it or not. I’m no movie critic, so I’ll leave that to another blogger.

Oh the holidays, it’s a time of love and laughter, sorrow and heartache. Such mixed emotions, of course you should know by now what I will say what the true meaning of Christmas is. Jesus Christ. I want to talk about not just his story and desire, but no matter what you are in his love will overflow if you allow it. A child was born to save the very soul that is within you, the one that has a choice. I see friends and family uniting in marriage and giving life to little miracles as if all evil is forgotten. We know a few secrets. He will never stop to try and control your mind and heart. He has the power to hold your dreams and desires and make it seem as if life itself isn’t worth it. People aren’t worth it. Love isn’t worth it. What a life that is. To live in fear, and comfort of not bettering yourself or anyone else. Treasures he offers you will never be enough, for they are of this world. You feel abandoned. You feel as if you’re in a movie and every day is a new take of the same story line. Trouble. Hate. Cold. Of course you never dreamed as a kid to have this life. One with no purpose but hurt. No as a kid you knew another secret that has been forgotten. Your innocence has been washed away, and you feel unworthy to even speak his name. Jesus. A child that was born for the soul, the life, the love within you. It’s okay. Time passes, but we are never to far from the thing that wants to save us from ourselves. He is undefeated, he possesses something much more powerful than hate, and danger. Love. All that he is. With all of his creation speak life. Let all that you are desire him, call on him. He can set you free. People are worth it. Love is worth it. He did not endure all that was cast upon him to see you alone. Draw near. Speak his name. Remember the innocence. You are worthy, and the place you find comfort in never ceases to help you stay comfortable but better yourself everyday and care for everyone. His sacrifices will not be in vain. He wins. We win. You as a child of God has a place beside your Heavenly Father. Isn’t it time you value home, more than gold?

A divine design

Welcome to life lovelies, I know it’s been a while but I truly don’t like to post unless I feel the message I have it pure and true.

A divine design. What a thing to be called. So elegant and hopeful. I am going to be completely honest and raw. I’m broken. I am imperfect, and I desire more. There are reminders in life that keep us hopeful, and there are reminders that keep us hopeless. It’s what you choose to see that determines what design you consider yourself. Divine or damaged? I have been damaged, it is all that I seen for myself. What part of me deserved to be more? Who was I? What was I? The struggle as some would say was in this case, was real. No laughter, no joy. I was lost and had no intention of being found. Why after all this time of trying why had I not got my happy ending? It took losing myself to be found. Sacrifice, destroyed my plan. My plan. What I wanted. Oh how was I so naive ? To think that if I did certain things, If I said certain words that it could justify that what I had planned was better than what God had placed on my heart to be done was so obscured. Times of laughter began to approach again. I had been lifted and held. I was not alone, and my struggles were not unseen. My gifts, my talents were not given to me to be set aside. They were given to me to do as much as possible to reach lives. To nurture. To love. To serve. I choose to be a divine design no matter the damage that I encountered or for a time being, became. I desire for you to choose to be divine. Do not let your uncertainty, or voices telling you that money and wealth means more than what your hearts true passion should be. It is a lie. You were meant to be so much more. To be apart of a grand design , a part that is divine and irreplaceable. Don’t forget your worth. Love.

It doesn’t stop here.

He is in love with you. Every piece, every word he lingers for you to even speak his name. You’re not a dream, but a reality. You are his creation. It’s amazing how you can know what is true and still fight it. Make it about you. I am a fighter. I was born that way. My heart was meant for more than just to keep me alive. It made me alive. My heart was not meant to be just an organ, but my entire being. I was meant to be a part of an adventure. Women simply waiting on their invitation be a part of one. So what does a woman do as she wait? The waiting game. Something God uses as a preparation. For us to grow near to him, to desire him. What is more attractive than a woman who wants a man but doesn’t need him? I think it’s one that just isn’t comfortable with her lifestyle alone, but content with not being invited to play the damsel because her adventure was created for her. Whether or not God allows a man to become a part of that is up to your heart. Fear. Your venture began the day you began to grow inside of your mother. You started to change people with your simple existence. You didn’t have to speak or know what you were the day you became a life is today your invitation was received. The thing about this journey that you choose whether or not you will play an irreplaceable role. So many books, blogs, pictures, lies, stories, truth, about a woman waiting on THAT man. The one where he sweeps her off her feet and shows her love and kindness. So many things that say that is basically it. That’s your story. That’s what you live for. That’s your meeting. No! You were created very delicately to love, to nurture, to be passionate, and the image of God. All that you are, and offer are in will be treasured. Do not consider yourself just in waiting. In his time all will be revealed in a love he created through others for you will grace your presence and it will be like no other. No more fear shame. An understanding on your worth. You are alive and meant to be courageously and fiercely loved. He created you with the pure intention of hope. Hope that you read his word and no there’s a beautiful destiny that is meant for you. To know he is in love with you. Every piece, every word he lingers for you to speak his name. You’re not a dream, but a reality. You are not you are his creation, and it doesn’t stop here.
intention of hope. Hope that you will read his word and no there is a beautiful destiny that is meant for you. To know he is in love with you. Every piece, every word he lingers for you to speak his name. You’re not a dream, but a reality. You are his creation, and it doesn’t stop here.

The Fountain

Quiet my heart God. Silence my mind. Open my ears. Ever thought you were ready for things and just KNEW in your heart this is what God want for me, and it fall apart? You feel numb, and ashamed that you thought something was figured out, and all you were was wrong? Yet, you don’t feel anger. I have known this time, it has occurred more than once and though tragedy is something people assume I should feel, yet I feel hope. I look out and see things, and I know the way I see them is not the way this world sees. I see the sky and I close my eyes and feel him. I look at the trees and know there is life there and I feel him. I hear the fountain pouring water and I know his love is overflowing. I feel him. Not just see, but feel him. I know that choices I have made may not be a permanent place he wants me, so tragedy is not an option to feel. I am hopeful because every choice I make is not to separate me from him, but to draw near. It isn’t easy, being a Christian, but what do I have to pay? My life? As who I am? Seems to me far more important people have given their life for me to gain what? My hunger for him, my cry for his presence? Seems more than worth it. “Stand still and know that I am Lord.” Mmmmm! Not sure about you but I am not perfect. I have lost at times what it truly means to be a woman. To know what he desires for me to do. Ezer. Help mate. So you want ME to help? Who am I but a mere girl lost and confused? I am hopefully. I have faith. I endure life to tell about his. I am on a journey, I have been beaten, silenced, and lost. My scars are healed, my voice will be heard, and I am found in him. I know it may seem life has nothing for you, or maybe you know it does, but you’re not sure what it is exactly. Be still. Breathe. Let him use you. You are far more precious than you know, than I know myself. Getting lost is not the end unless you give up the search. Find who you are in him. Remember Ezer, you are going home.
Welcome to life lovelies, BMW

Water without Bread

Hey guys! Sorry for a week without a blog, but my heart has been so heavy with different things I wanted to make sure what I wrote would have a clear message and not a scatter of things like my mind sometimes does. Welcome to life loves! I am so excited about today. I want to speak to you, your heart in particular 🙂

Man oh man. Let’s talk a little deeper today. Relationships. No I don’t mean boyfriend/girlfriend or even husband/wife but parents and their children. Some may know, but not all that my parents are divorced. Since I was seventeen my parents were separated right before my senior year of high school. Those two knew how to upset me quicker than anyone but at the same time make me feel a love I’ll never be able to replace nor try to. Parents. People say you don’t choose your family and it’s true it’s something you’re actually born into, but I couldn’t imagine being anymore alike than those two as well as my own person. The struggle, I’ll open up a bit to let you understand not just as a reader ,but a friend. My heart broke the day my Dad told me that my parents were getting divorced. I had already been dealing with anxiety in high school and that just added fuel to the fire. I was selfish. I didn’t blame myself, but I could not understand how they could do that to me. I was about to be a senior and go off to college, and this happens. How dare they? I was actually angry. My dad moved out so naturally I held on to my mom for dear life. Life happened. My first experience of something not being fulfilled. I could not comprehend how they could just give up. Oh, what a silly minded person I was. With all the selfishness I never stopped and wondered how it affected them. After almost 25 years of marriage how hard it was to wake up and realize the life you lived was not what you imagined, and to try all you could for the sake of not just yourself, or your kids , but for the sake of the one you vowed to love until death. To know that no matter how much you tried or didn’t try the result in your mind was the same. I tell you this not to bash my parents by all means that’s not the case. I want you to know that piece of me so you can understand I bleed the same as you. My “struggle” aka life isn’t nothin picture perfect. I’m sure there has been moments in your life when wondered how could someone do that to you? At that moment you’re broken and in awe of the fact someone you love takes something you felt you were a part of and it no longer exist. I say all this to make a point, ha. When a situation occurs and you wonder why you got the short end of the stick ask yourself is that stick Unbreakable? Did the other person who did not get the short end have a fragile one? What if what they are dealing with is much more than whether it affects you? Be selfless. Understand. Take the time to invest your heart to nurture those who feel broken. It’s not about you. Life is not to please you. It is not to help benefit you. God. He is the reason. Life is about him. The struggles that come with it are to draw you nearer to him. Not to say divorces are blessings, though sometimes it may be the case. I for one needed him more than ever, and it didn’t feel like I got the short end of the stick, nor was it fragile. I rested on a branch on the strongest tree never to be shaken. I became selfless and understood that everyone’s choices are their own, it is your choice how to be affected by it. Know that no matter what there will always be one that will never leave or forsake you. He will never hurt you, and though free will is real and hurt will happen he will heal what has been done. Lean on to him no matter the situation. He will always be. It’s like water without bread. You may thirst and something of this world may quench your thirst for an amount of time but not forever, and what happens when you are hungry as well? What good is one without the other? You need both to survive. He has an everlasting love that flows into you quenching your thirst and words that can be fed to you that withstand time. -BMW

I am deception.

Hey you guys! Welcome to life! I am just gonna dive in to my heart right now if that’s cool 🙂

You have been deceived. YOU have! This world has given you visual, and verbal comfort that can lead you away from God’s plan for you. I want to ask you something through a verse. Mark 8:36 “For what does a man profit to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?” Do you find yourself lost in this world? I have been there. I thought I had it all figured out. The American dream. I would be married by 22 , possibly thinking of children, and set with my career . Man did I dream big! Who needed God when I was in control? Found out the hard way that I needed him so much because of that moment when I thought I was in control. Silly girl. Just to give you a heads up as to how me being in control worked out, I am 22 (not married) , no kids, and I love my job but at the time of the flawless dream I did not see myself living in Dallas a a hairstylist. I have been deceived along with you so do not feel alone. The world promised me if I wanted it bad enough I can have it. The world did not warn me that what I wanted may not be what I needed. The world has not cared about my well being or my heart. The desires it has or whether or not it’s whole. God has not deceived me. He has told me that my wants if the same as his will bless me beyond measures in my soul. He cares about me and my heart. The desires I now have I prayed he would place them there so my heart is whole for he completes me. It isn’t even about looking apart of the world materialistically by the clothes or accessories. It is by your eyes, heart, your soul, and your faith. The things that tell your life story, the one you showcase to the world on a daily basis. I have been guilty. I personally have tried to everything in my power to fit in and all I became was bitter. I was deceived. I was promised things that I knew would not be kept yet I became disappointed anyways. Like I was shocked. Why trust something that has continued to show its failures? Why not rely on the one who will never fail you though you fail him continuously? Matthew 6:33 “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you.” What a wonderful thing. To know that if I seek him, and stand down from wanting that control that he has more in store for me. A silly girl with dreams that turned into a woman with understanding and desire for his will. I do not know about you but being deceived is not flattering. This should give you a peace of mind. He is the one who loves you NO MATTER WHAT. He is the one that accepts you NO MATTER WHAT. Spread the grace y’all. -BMW

Who Will Love Me For Me?

Welcome to life lovelies. I know it’s been a few days, but I aim to have a blog at least once a week. I know you got spoiled with the two very close together 🙂

I have a favorite song, just like I know everyone does or maybe fifty! Everyone of those songs tells a story, maybe a time in our life; our emotions. For me one that has been timeless and dear is “Love me” by JJ Heller. So many times my question to God has been, who will love me for me. I know there has been times in my life that I have felt abandoned, or not understand why my relationships didn’t work out. Here I am wondering even if I am worthy of love. Then I had to step back and analyze did I even know what love was. Or what it was suppose to mean to me. I for one have realized that everyone doesn’t love the same and for some that may be common sense but it took me a while not to just to know that statement but actually understand it. I would go into a relationship knowing my love language was words so I express everything that way. Not getting that back hurt me. Promises of marriage, lifting me up to say I was worth the title as a wife. Never engaged, but words make implications and the intentions were not to become one otherwise that is where I would be. Words became the enemy. How could people take what I considered so powerful and manipulate it into something it was not intended for… Lies. Here I am once again wondering when will someone’s word become truth again. Yet again he didn’t fail me, he spoke life into a heart that had given up. Love would not give up on me. God is love. I am hard headed (my family would agree) when it comes to letting go of things I worked hard for. For me, God allowed people to walk away from my life through relationships because I felt as if my love should have been enough so I would try harder. I began to lose myself, and time told a different story than I wanted, this one was not me in a white dress walking down the aisle to only hope by Mandy Moore (I’ve thought this through haha). This story contained me crying, and starving for a desire to be loved. I desired. Why did I feel undesirable? Who would love me for me? Losing myself I became what I felt would be the perfect catch. I then looked at myself and saw someone who I felt had been an actress in a movie without the glamour. I had the script memorized , and the casting continued to change with the hope of the storyline to end as a fairy tale. I woke up. God woke me up, an welcomed me to life. He desired me, and put the desire in my heart to accept it. He was what I was thirsting for. I was hungry for a love that would not abandon me, an not only meet my expectations but exceed it. I do believe God has someone who is meant to hear only hope and think of me. Who will serenade me in a way that will show that he loves me as Christ loves the church. Until then the question is no longer who will love me for me. Now I know who will for all time, and eternity. One day he will allow an imperfect man to strive to love me perfectly until that moment occurs and after it takes place I will be at peace that no matter what I have been or whom I will become my father in Heaven has a love that never ceases, and no love will be able to compare. I want you to know that those moments when you wanted to give up, when your heart either felt numb or broken he has been there. The love I speak of is not for me alone, but for you as well. You are his child, you have purpose beyond loving someone of this world. Close your eyes and understand his word is a promise that he will love you for you and no matter who you have been or will become his love is never ending. I pray you can be at rest. Pray to him to guide you and heal you. You are far more precious than you can fathom. Until next time spread the grace y’all -BMW

If I Ever Needed Grace

Mornin’ my fellow readers 🙂 (If you exist yet) I hope you enjoyed yesterdays intro to the blogs that will be taking place now! Though I am a woman I do feel men will benefit from these as well. Understanding the woman you love or will love, or getting the knowledge as to how we love the way we do. Just wanted to welcome you to life today with a little note before I dig into my heart to reach yours. I had set in mind what today’s blog would be about, but I think you’ll enjoy the turn it had 🙂

 

What woman is not a beauty, that desires to be rescued? From the time we could dream, we pictured ourselves in a love story somewhat like a fairytale. A man who was strong, courageous, one that would fight for our honor and of course dashing good looks. We played dress up desiring to be the most beautiful thing to ever come encounter with our one love. To be desired. As a child we didn’t see how much love would be a part of us. Innocence , that at any moment could be taken from us was so precious. The last thing we needed was to be abandoned. Our hearts so pure and naive we loved everything and everyone in sight. Time passed and those little girl dreams became a young woman’s with visions. Love became a reality. I remember my plan, I am sure we all had one. First boyfriend would be my last, we would have a house and three kids singing Jesus loves me. Picture perfect. What a dream. Reality woke us up from that, and the love that we thought was real was only a stepping stone to higher ground. Drawing us near to God every time. I spoke before of sharing a love in a way God was not ready for me to do so, but I did anyway. I started to seek love and acceptance from earthly things included in those things were of course guys. I wept. My heart broken. What good was I now? I did everything to the T. I spoke when spoken to, I had long hair, was pretty fit, did everything for them. Why was I broken? Undesirable, beauty no where in sight. The plan was ruined. I loved and was not loved back. I was ANGRY. I found myself in moments where anxiety got the best of me, I was now consumed with this world and lost my way. Then the keeper of my heart spoke into it.”She is more precious than rubies, nothing you can desire can compare with her.” Proverbs 3:15 It spoke deep to my heart with no understanding of it at the time. I began to question what he was trying to tell me. If I am so precious how come those I loved desired other things more than me? If I am such a ruby, why do I not shine like the fine jewel I am meant to be? I like many others I knew what I did deserve, but could not fathom what I didn’t deserve. So in return I tore down every word that was meant to show me worth and made it just about my insecurities. This is for sure not the purpose it was intended for. How could I ever be a ruby that someone is to desire more than anything if I alone treated myself less than everything? He told me to stand still. He began to answer and ask questions. He spoke a verse into my heart that I had heard many of times, but now had meaning. “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30 How many times have you seen this posted? I am for sure guilty of it. Questions began to fill my heart. Why are you in such a search to find someone on this earth to make you feel worth? The human actions can do exactly the opposite, which continues as an endless cycle of wanting acceptance in all ways. “Fear only me, draw to me.” All of the wondering would come to a stop. I was set free, my mind needed rest. God had revealed himself again. I can not promise Prince Charming will come as soon as you do, I am still in waiting. I can promise a wholeness you need. Let the one who desires your heart more than anything, show you the ruby you are, Let your heart heal. Let it rest. Let it be known. Your works do not go unnoticed. So I leave you again with a verse 🙂 Have a great day! Until I write again, spread the grace y’all! “Honor her for all her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.” Proverbs 31:31

The Beginning Of Ezer

The beginning of Ezer. For those unsure of the meaning behind Ezer I will share the definition. The word Ezer (Ay-zer) is Hebrew, and the numerous times it is used in the bible it is used in the term of helper. I want to share a bit as to why this word is more to me than just a definition. Looking back in my life there were times as a teenager that I was the one friend that was always there. A shoulder to cry on, words of wisdom at a young age or even the funny moments where we would laugh about the stupidest things to keep from going crazy or crying. At those times I remember sharing what I knew God desired for them and their purpose as well as the task at hand not being the only battle they would encounter, but they would never be alone. So sure of what to say, then I would finish they would be at peace and I would be in awe. I didn’t understand how those words flowed from my body. Being raised in Church I have heard from people the question as to if what I believed was because I believed it or because I was raised to believe it. I will answer that in this blog. If you’d ask my mom her favorite memory of me as a child I am sure she will share the story of me being in the bath tub with my sister at the age of three sharing the Gospel with her. From a young age I desired God, everything about him. That little girl in the tub knew where her heart belonged. That heart would find its way in many lives, and out of some. Though in my mind I knew whom my heart belonged to, I struggled when then keeper of it wanted me to share the love he had given me. I finally took a chance. I was no longer just a little girl but a young woman, and I was afraid. ME? HE had chosen me? A lady who was insecure, unsure of if I was doing things right, and so young? I was not equipped for the job of his Ezer. There is that word 🙂 Wondering when it was going to come into play? I promise a bit of my life story had some good use. I read a book called Captivating by John Eldredge and it truly opened my heart in more ways than one. I would say its a great read but in my opinion that takes away so much from the book. It speaks on Ezer (ay-zer). This was the moment Ezer became more than a word, but a lifestyle. I prayed to God through the years of speaking and sharing his love what his next step was for me. I had walked into peoples lives knowing there was a chance I was only there for a period of time rather than a lifetime. Accepting that was not an easy task. I lost track of spreading his love and became more focused on who I was to love not knowing or understanding at the time I was no where ready. The love between me and God was to be shared not abandoned. I was young and did not understand the difference, but as I got older I could see where I was giving or expecting to much from things that were only of this world. Leaving me in the moment where I felt not enough and even worse undesirable. I was Ezer though, how could I be his helper to spread his grace and sufficient word if I felt incapable of doing so? Where was the woman of Grace he was molding me to be? Was she no more? Was I no longer desirable to him? So many questions and of course “as a woman” most men would think I was looking to much into it. Yet here is a purpose I was not allowing myself to become. I found her again, after many years of heartbreak and being lost. She was being prepared for far more. Than this world can fathom. I hope you continue to take this journey with as this is just the introduction. The next blog will cover beauty, which is close to my heart not to just learning about inner and outer beauty, but with my industry what is asked of me, and where my heart stands. I leave you with a verse John 14:16 “And I will ask the father, and he will give you another HELPER to be with you forever.” Until next time, spread the grace. – EZER